How did I get on the internet?

You got on a computer that was connected to a series of tubes. Many people think it is like a big truck, but it is not. The computer connects to the tubes where internet flows through them. Kind of like water pipes and when too many people are watching movies through these tubes it slows down your internet. That is why I wrote this on my internet on Thursday, but you are only getting it now.

Can I get the Ask Zach bib in an adult size?

I am sorry to say to all you lobster fans, but the Ask Zach bib is only in child sizes right now. There is always a creative solution of buying a shirt the right size and cutting it into a bib. Our supplier is working on an adult size, but until then lobster and infantilism fans out there will have to wait. (note: the Ask Zach store is down right now, but should be back soon maybe with adult bibs)

Do you know any Dews?

Yes I do. I met a great guy by the name of Dew while staring in what the Boston Globe theatre critic called “A blue abomination that I am not paid enough to sit through.” We became close as we were firmly planted on stage (as trees of course). Now we hang out and every now and then perform together with the ever great ATT.

Do you lie?

Do I look I would lie to you? Ok maybe I do, but that is beside the point. I answer questions to the best of my knowledge and well my knowledge is not the best. Just ask Mr. Miller at the Edith C. Baker School.

Ask Zach in your E-mail

There are three things I always get asked on the street

1. How did you get to be so cool?

2. Can I have your autograph?

3. Have you answered my question on Ask Zach (or any question for that matter)?

Well my answers are

1. yes

2. yes for $5

3. The easiest way to find out is by popping your e-mail address in the subscribe box

(to the right -->)

and you will not only get e-mails when I post new questions and answers, but you will get the full question and answer right in your inbox. Also, if you are a super geek like me you can always subscribe to the Ask Zach RSS feed.

How would you review this year's Vegetarian Food Festival?

My mooch sack weighed in at 4 pounds 3 ounces. Not bad at all. I got a whole bunch of good free samples and a couple of bad ones (there is a reason I do not use soy cheese) I think it was one of the better ones I went to though it is not the same when Small Cone is not around.

What are you going to be for Halloween?

I am going to be a City Year Zombie. No where in the rules does it say we can’t eat brains while in City Year uniform. (yummy brains) also if you see me spitting, jay walking, smoking, or pushing old ladies out of the way while in my City Year uniform it is not me, but a City Year Zombie.

what is your opinion on the current fad known as apples to apples?

Although some experts feel that the fad of Apples to Apples is bad fro your health I have t disagree. After all an apple a day keeps the doctor away. It is good to something out there that gets today’s youth off the computer (like the one your on right now) and into the streets, living room, kitchen, train, and den or wherever one plays apples to apples. So I say Apples to Apples is great as long as I am the one who wins (Kate!!! ).

how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Well this question is one that can not really be answered. It is kind of like a tree fallig in the woods. Many people may have heard it is three, but tat was a rumor started by a lazy owl. The thing is it is different for everyone for a little kid it can be around 99 licks for Chaim Witz it only takes two.

Was Mona Lisa pregnant?

Ok people it is a painting. Not just a painting, but an old one. Why are people spending so much time doing research on it? Maybe she is smiling, maybe not who cares. Spend time in your lab doing something productive like time release shampoo or something instead of spending time and money to see if she was preggo or smiling or really a man or a witch. If you care so much how about you write about her child and how that child is some powerful person that is covered up by some secret society or something. (yeah like that would sell).

What is your brother's name?

Brer Jeremy, Brer Alex, Brer Rabbit, and Brer Bear

when was walt disney born ?

Walt was made in 1920. Yes I do mean made. Many people do not know this, but Walt was not a real person he was an anamotronic. He was controlled by a group of aliens that tried to brainwash children trough subliminal messages. They wanted to take over Earth, but after living here (secretly in Walt Disney World) for many years they decided that they didn't want to take over Earth. So they instead used subliminal messages to make children force there parents to buy them cheap toys and direct to DVD movies.

Why did Pluto have to suck so much and make itself not a planet?

When I first started City Year I got a tour of different schools. One of them was the Planetary Middle School. All the big planets were there Mars, Jupiter, Neptune, and yes Pluto. It was obvious from the start that Pluto was an outcast. He was not wearing the same cool cloths or gasses as the other plants. Even Uranus who was always being teased about his name was higher up on the food chain of middle school than poor Pluto. He was left out in the cold (literally) and after placing low on an exam he dropped out and started hanging out with the Haley's Commits gang of punks.